I was my owner's first cat!  I bit her ankles and terrorized her for several months.  Then, she learned that I just wanted to spend more time with her and when I was six months old, I chilled out.  We bonded and I began to cuddle her in bed, instead of biting her.  She became a much better owner!  Of course, she was just a young teenager when she became my mother.  Fortunately for me, we were both fast learners.

I learned how to open doors, elude the indoor dogs and play catch as a very young cat.  I also never forgot on which side my bread was buttered...I only let pretty ladies stroke my stomach--who needs men? 

I did not enjoy it when my mom took me to college and I moved in with a dreadful tortoiseshell named Hannah.  While she did render me mentally unstable for a year or so, I survived and learned to ignore her wicked yowling. 

I put up with Mom's boyfriends for the most part...I only sprayed on a few items of clothing...but I was certainly relieved when Mom finally met Dad.  He has my stamp of approval. 

Dad was able to keep her more company as I became more aged.  Finally Mom and Dad were able to take care of me as a team when I had bouts of senility.  Even on the days when I wasn't sure how the house was laid out, I always purred when my parents petted me.  Mom gave me nice warm baths and would put on the little heater near my heated bed afterward.  I did not appreciate having my paws cleaned or my knots removed, but luckily Mom always followed it up with some brushing and gentle petting.

I took good care of Mom when there was no one else there for her.  Now that Dad is a sure thing, I guess I had to go, after all, like Dad explained to Mom, "He's not eternal.  Twenty years is a long time."  He is right, at least in body, but as Mom always loved me, every minute of every day and respected my intelligence, so I will love her every minute, every day for the rest of her days.

Hi,

I'm Hannah.  I'm a little insecure, a little neurotic.  But you know, you can never be too paranoid.  Raccoons live outside my house you know...big, beefy mafia-type raccoons...they've got some kind of gang going on in my yard at night. 

I try not to tremble too hard...I hide in the bottom of my Mom and Dad's new Serta Perfect Sleeper at night.  I just cut out the bottom with my claws and it makes a handy little studio apartment.

Talk about set-ups, yeesh...there is a cat family in my house....Queen Bee and her minions (Mom calls her Mali and her two daughters, Aileen and Della).  They run this place like a hospital...that is, like they'd like to put me in the hospital.  Mom had to lay down the law last year...Della decided to try to take my eye out...really she just scratched my cornea, but she could have blinded me.  I tell you, everybody knows she's missing a gear or three.

I tolerate Dad, but I only trust Mom.  After all, my first owner totally neglected me then took me to an animal shelter to get gassed because I behaved badly!  Yeah, I scratched his bed, where was my scratching post?  Yeah, I peed on his towels, who never changed my litter boxes?  Whatever! I won't tell you what I called him behind his back.  He called me Kittius Maximus!  Mom told me that he gave me a gladiator name, so when Mom adopted me, she gave me a nice, little, Hebrew, feminine name.  She was determined to will me into being a good girl.  She couldn't stand the thought of them killing me, even though I growled at her.

It only took Mom a week to train me to quit clawing guests to make them bleed.  She taught me to hit, get the anger out but to keep my claws to myself...she's so goody-two-shoes...I hated her for eight years...

Then one day, I got ill and she held me!  Took care of me for three or four hours straight!  Then it dawned on me...she wasn't the angel of the apocalypse, my arch-enemy...but some stupid softy...so what can I tell ya...I fell for her...nah, nah, I um...manipulated her to my devices...

Anyway, she had those OTHER cats...didn't know what to do, but then one day she brings home this otha cat...some kinda little black fuh-ball...kid's got no home, mom got run ovah in da street...I dunno.  Well, I may as well just tell you, that black hair looked kinda familyuh, and me bein' a tortoiseshell afta all, I adopted her.  She's my baby, next of kin, huge baby she's turned out to be, too!

So now we've got the good life, livin' in California, good weather, a nice deck to go relax on and darn it if my darn kidneys don't start given out on me...ain't that life?  Hey, at least I made it to seventeen and I get to sleep on my Mom's satin sheets!  As long as she doesn't brush me, for gosh sakes!  Dandruff is natural, not all of us can have a glossy coat, honey. 

You have a nice day now, and don't you dare tell those scoundrels where I'm hidin' out, whether I'm in my little studio apt. or on my cushion on the deck--zip it, OK?

My name is Mali.  I am orange and white and my fur is very glossy.  So you just don't listen to that mean old Hannah.  She needs to be put in her place. 

I may not be as clever as her, but I have a healthy, happy family: two daughters, Aileen and Della.  I am beautiful, petite and widowed.  Although, I am a single mother, I am up for dating for all you interested Toms.  I would be looking for a mature, handsome, virile man who cuts to the chase.

Needless to say, as a teenage pregnant mother, I know how to cut to the chase.  Still, I have a lovely home near Santa Cruz, CA and I never have to live outside again.

When Mom first found me, I was in a washing machine.  She's still not sure if somebody put me there in some foiled attempt to wash a live animal or if I crawled in there for warmth.  Well, I can't help it...I can't enlighten you!  I just can't remember--I never was too keen with memory games.

Still, Mom says that with my analytical skills (see, I do have some!) I probably crawled in that machine myself.  Anyway, I got stuck and when Mom opened it to put her laundry in, she picked me up.  I was so grateful to be out of that pit that I hugged her with both paws around her neck.  She is a wonderful mother and grandmother to my girls.  I would never say anything bad about her...Hannah, on the other hand...ungrateful.

There is nothing so wonderful as being fed two meals a day, and playing "Catch the Mousie" every evening!  No more rain or kicks in the ribs from strangers!  I even socialize with houseguests sometimes, and my cat-sitter is marvelous, wonderful....her hair is glossy, too...see, Hannah?

Hannah needs to understand that I'm the alpha female...I'm pretty, secure, I've got connections and we run this place.  So get it straight, Hannah.

I wish my Daddy would come home....he's the only man in my life at present....sigh...

Aileen is the name.  You see, it's spelled with an A, not an E.  Do you have that?  What?  Of course, I'm very friendly, I just want to make sure you have the facts right.  Yes, mmm hmm, indeedy, I like accurate records. 

For instance, let me set the record straight that Mom found my mom, Mali when she was already very pregnant.  Too far along for an abortion..so Mom didn't just let my mom roam the streets or anything.  However, even though I was unexpected, I was wanted.  Mom and I bonded early on.

I help her to take care of Baby Della, my little sister.  She was really born about 12 hours before me, but my mom either pushed her away or she crawled away in the sweater box.  Luckily, Mom heard her barely wheezing and found her cold and almost lifeless.  She was able to warm her back up, but poor baby Della's brain had already short-circuited.  Don't say anything in front of Baby Della, I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings, but I help take care of her.  She is a swell sister.  She's just sure she's still a kitten.

Life hasn't always been easy.  Our step-dad, my mom's husband was hit by a car in front of Mom...she was trying to catch him when some woman sped up the street and hit him.  Mom can't really talk about it, that's why she can't make a profile for him, but he cleaned us from head to toe every day until he died.  He was convinced he was our real Dad.  To me, he was.  A lot of love is stronger than a little sperm--don't forget that...I never do.

So what do you like to do?  I'm the inquisitive type, you see.  Sometimes I have some trust issues...who wouldn't having grown up around Hannah...she swatted us in the head when we were kittens...my mom may not have a perfect memory, but she never forgot that.  My cat mom (my mom--Little m) protected us like the fierce lioness she is in her heart.  And I protect Baby Della to this very day--somebody's gotta watch over her...

Do you have any tasks I could do?  I've already completed all mine for today:

1. Answer the door.

2. Run from the sound of barking neighbor dogs.

3. Lounge on my cat tree.

4. Work on writing letters to the president about automobile emissions.

5. Watch over Baby Della.

6. Make sure Hannah doesn't start anything.

7. Ascertain that each cat peforms his/her duties to the fullest.

8. Volunteer at my local children's charity.

9. Terminate all insubordinate acts.

10. Suppress freedom of speech in the household.

11. Oversee the well-being of my family.

Just leave me a memo if there's aything you'd like me to take care of for you.  I'm sure I'll be fully competent.  I always am.  Take care, and try not to get on my bad side.  Until further notice, I'll be chasing my tail in circles.

: )

My name is Bling Bling, because I am very sexy and I have eyes which glint like green diamonds.  In fact, I am a diamond, I just happen to have some very glossy, long, luxurious hair which would make your average Pantene model salivate with envy.  However, despite all of my incredible physical perfection, I am quite empathetic with your average feline citizen.  In addition, I am intelligent and I never get fat. 

I am quite social with humans, after all, I naturally find myself the center of attention in a society prizing beauty and youth.  Astoundingly enough, my needs are simple, and so I am always happy.

I enjoy being petted by my Mom and my adoptive cat mother, Hannah.  I enjoy licking and taking care of Baby Della although she can be annoying at times...not that she can help it. My favorite activity entails lounging in the highest perch in the cat tree and stretching my legs for all to see.  I am an outdoorsy woman although if you ask Mom, I will always be her kitten.

I don't let anyone boss me around, despite my lack of claws (done before I was taken in by Mom).  However, I don't lord my indisputed natural magnetism over others, including Aileen.  I am patient with Aileen despite her desire to solely possess my human Mom.  I cannot see what this whole ganging-up-on Hannah issue is about.  Infantile.  Bitter individuals come up with cruel games, although Baby Della cannot help it.  She just follows the example of her mother and sister. 

I have a warm, welcoming heart and a large, powerful (albeit clawless) paw attached to a beautifully muscled tricep and bicep muscle.  Love me, you can't leave me.  Adore me all you want, just don't mess up the hair.